


Oxygen

by limesicle



Series: SASO2017 Fills [1]
Category: Free!
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Drowning, M/M, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-15
Updated: 2017-07-15
Packaged: 2018-12-02 11:05:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,709
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11508111
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/limesicle/pseuds/limesicle
Summary: Haru nearly drowns. He recovers as he finds someone he didn't expect by his side.





	Oxygen

**Author's Note:**

> Written for SASO2017.
> 
> For this prompt:
> 
>  
> 
> “It is hard to stop loving the ocean, even after it has left you gasping.”
> 
> — sarah kay

Haruka Nanase never thought he’d see the day where his lungs filled with water as the ocean waves he’d always loved pulled him under. But here he is. His lungs scream for oxygen, because no matter how much he loves water, he still needs air to breath. The sky is dark above, and the winds have stirred the ocean waves to heights he hasn’t seen in years. Against the waves of the oceans, he is nothing. Against its powerful currents and white-capped peaks, he is only human. Haru closes his eyes. As he has lived with water, so he will die. It’s poetic. It feels like the perfect way to complete his life.

 

He wakes in the hospital, with it’s shining fluorescent lights and the nurses and doctors fussing over him. His friends are gathered at the foot of his bed. They stay just long enough to make sure he’s okay, before they leave to let him rest. Haru slips into a dreamless sleep the moment the door closes.

 

When he wakes, there’s another person in the room and a nurse checking over his vitals. Sousuke sits in the corner, fingers steepled and head lowered. Haru feels a pang of guilt. In the water, he hadn’t regretted anything. The water was around him, pulling him under, and the only thing he could think of was  _ this is how it’s supposed to go. _ His fingers pull at the hospital sheets. In some ways, he knows he’s lucky to be alive, but the horrible scratchiness in his throat and the pain in his lungs makes him almost wish he wasn’t.

 

When the nurse leaves, Sousuke raises his head. Haru can see that his eyes are bloodshot, and that in itself is unusual. After their last year of high school, he and Sousuke have become closer, not friends–not exactly–but no longer at odds. Sousuke blinks and looks away.

 

“Rin told me,” he offers as an explanation.

 

Haru inclines his head in acknowledgement. His throat feels too raw to speak, so he doesn’t. Sousuke, however, feels the need to.

 

“We were worried about you. Swimming alone in the ocean is not a good idea. Even for you.” He shakes his head. “If you’re stressed or want space or time to think, there have to be other ways. The ocean is dangerous.”

 

Haru coughs, trying to clear some of the pain away from his vocal tract. “I know,” he manages. “But even though it’s dangerous–even though it’s left me–” he gestures to himself. “Like this, I could never hate it. Water doesn’t judge you, it lets you in and surrounds you without question or motive. This isn’t the ocean’s fault.”

“You’re an idiot, Nanase.”

 

They fall into silence, and at some point, Haru falls back to sleep. 

 

When he’s discharged from the hospital, Sousuke is there, along with Makoto and Rin, and Rei and Nagisa.They make sure he gets home safely, and tells him that under no circumstances is he allowed to go swimming by himself. Ever. Haru sighs and closes the door behind them. He knows they mean well, but it still feels restrictive. 

 

The next day he goes down to the shore. He keeps his promise to his friends and doesn’t swim, but he stands barefoot in the sand. He walks until the surf covers his feet. The cool water is calming, even if he can’t dive into it. Haru kneels down, dipping his fingers into the water.

 

“Haru!”

 

He straightens up, seawater dripping from the tips of his fingers.

 

“Sousuke,” he answers. “Don’t worry, I’m not swimming.”   
“I can’t believe you’re already back here,” Sousuke says, and there’s a hint of exasperation in his voice.

“I told you, I can’t hate the ocean.” 

 

Sousuke leaves him ankle-deep in the water, and Haru stares after him for a minute. Something in their interactions seems to have changed, but it’s impossible to pin down the change. It’s not a bad change, not necessarily. It just feels like the current of their relationship, or lack thereof, is taking them in a new direction. Haru turns back to the ocean. It’s vastness makes him feel insignificant, and somehow in that insignificance, he finds peace.

 

The next time he runs into Sousuke, he’s just walking down the street on his way back from the grocery store, two plastic bags hanging from his left arm. Haru fully intends to just pass him by after a brief acknowledgement and maybe a “hello,” but Sousuke stops him.

 

“How are you?”

 

Haru lets out a small sigh. It’s been more than a week since he was released from the hospital. His voice is still a little sore, and he sometimes feels lightheaded, but that’s really it. 

 

“Fine,” he answers.

“I’m staying in Iwatobi,” Sousuke announces, and Haru almost recoils from the sudden topic change.

 

He recovers after a moment. Why is Sousuke telling him this? He lets the confusion be evident on his face, and even Sousuke picks up on it.

 

“I know you’re still trying to figure out what to do next. I’m just–” he pauses. “So you know. Not everyone is leaving.”

 

Haru could point out that since Nagisa and Rei are still in school, they are also not leaving. He doesn’t. Unsure of how to respond, he gives Sousuke a simple word of appreciation and makes his way back to his house.

 

As Rin and Makoto leave, one for Australia and the other for Tokyo to go to university, Haru realizes he is thankful that someone his age is staying. Sousuke works as a clerk in the grocery store his parents own, and while it’s not glamorous, it’s something. Haru flounders without any particular direction to try. 

 

Maybe it’s convenience, or maybe it’s something else, but Haru finds himself in Sousuke’s company more often than not. Living alone with Makoto no longer a flight of steps away is lonelier than he thought it would be, so Haru is silently appreciative when Sousuke complains about eating instant noodles every day, and gives Haru an excuse to offer to cook for him. It leads to Sousuke sitting in his house the next day, looking out-of-place as he glances around. Haru laughs at his awkwardness, and Sousuke scowls back. 

 

After a couple of these nights, when Sousuke comes over for dinner, Haru realizes how easy it is. He’s never been one for too much social interaction, and it seems that Sousuke isn’t either. They sit in silence, but it’s of a different brand than the silent tension he usually feels. Sousuke starts showing up for things other than dinner, too. He brings ingredients and things for cooking some of the time, but then he shows up with couple of DVDs. Haru doesn’t question it as they settle in front of the TV. Sousuke becomes a frequent presence in his life, and Haru isn’t quite sure how he got to be there.

 

The first time Haru feels a pain in his chest, Sousuke is there, too. Haru involuntarily puts his hand to his chest, a small frown on his face, and Sousuke doesn’t miss it. According to Rin, Sousuke is unobservant, but Haru thinks differently. He finds teal eyes on him time and time again. 

 

“Haru?”   
“I’m fine.”

 

Sousuke looks unconvinced. “If it hurts, you should get it looked at. It’s not good to let these things go.”

 

Haru opens his mouth to brush him off, but he sees Sousuke’s hand go to his shoulder, so he stops himself. Maybe Sousuke is right, anyway. He nearly drowned, and his life has hardly changed. He thought it was good luck that there were no lasting effects, but maybe he was wrong. He bites his lip.

 

“I’ll get it checked.”

 

He forgets about it for the next week. But the next time he clutches his hand to his chest, Sousuke prods him to go to the doctor again. The spasm of annoyance passes quickly. Sousuke is only worried, and really, Haru should be, too. He makes his way to the hospital the next day, hating the harshness of the atmosphere. The walls almost feel like they’re shutting him in. The doctor he sees is kind enough, and she orders a number of tests to be done on him.

  
Haru spends the next hour with electrodes stuck to his skin and watching the medical staff hustle around him. He’s sent home feeling somehow stripped bare and uncomfortable. The doctor says she’ll call him with the results, and to not do anything strenuous. He arrives at his front step at the same time as Sousuke.

 

“You look ruffled,” he comments.

 

Haru shrugs. “Doctor.” It’s all he gives as an explanation, and Sousuke doesn’t ask.

 

That night they watch a movie again. This time it’s some romantic comedy that they find on Netflix. He doesn’t notice as it happens, but, by the end of the movie, he’s pressed against Sousuke’s side. As the credits roll, he finds that he doesn’t want to move away from the warmth next to him. Sousuke shifts to power off the TV, but then shifts back. They sit in the near darkness for a moment, before Haru breaks the silence.

 

“What are we doing?” He doesn’t mean it in a harsh way, and his voice is soft. It still rasps slightly when he speaks.

“Who knows?”

 

They lapse into silence. Haru lets his head drop onto Sousuke’s shoulder. As they sit on the living room floor, he feels oddly intimate with Sousuke, like they’re the only two people in the world. 

 

“It’s getting late,” Sousuke says, and Haru can hear a reluctance in his voice.

“You don’t have to leave.”

 

Sousuke shifts to sit straight up, forcing Haru to lift his head. “Then?” Sousuke asks.

“Then?” Haru repeats. “I don’t know, stay.”

 

He finds a futon for Sousuke in one of the closets. Out of some sense of solidarity, sleeps on another futon next to him instead of in his own bed. In the morning, he wakes with his face inches from Sousuke’s. He shifts away slowly, trying not to wake the other. In the past few weeks, so much has changed between them, and Haru hasn’t stopped to put a name to his feelings, but he doesn’t need to. It doesn’t take a genius to figure out that he has a crush.

 

Haru slips out of the room. In the kitchen, he makes breakfast for two instead of one. By the time he’s finished, Sousuke is leaning against the doorframe. There’s a small smile on his lips, and there’s a warmth about it that goes straight to Haru’s chest. He wordlessly hands Sousuke one plate and goes to sit at the dining table after untying the apron and hanging it in its place. As he eats breakfast, he feels the weight of Sousuke’s stare more than usual.

 

“What?”

 

Sousuke shakes his head. “I’m not sure. It’s too early. It’s probably stupid.”

 

Haru rolls his eyes. “If I got annoyed by the stupid things you say, you would have gotten kicked out long ago.”

 

“Thanks.” 

 

He takes a bite of egg before he continues. “I like spending time with you. It’s…comfortable.”

 

Haru pauses, he can feel a blush heating up his face. “It’s nice having you around.”

 

The moment is interrupted by the ringing of Haru’s phone. He excuses himself quickly and goes to pick it up, knowing it’s probably the doctor. She tells him he has an arrhythmia. It’s not necessarily serious, but it is a complication of his near death experience. She prescribes him a medication to take to keep it from getting dangerous, and tells him they’ll need to follow up in six months. He acknowledges everything she says glumly. It makes sense that there are lasting effects, but he’s still anxious about it.

 

When he returns to the table, Sousuke gives him a sympathetic look. He probably overheard Haru’s half of the conversation and can guess from the expression on his face.

 

“It’s nothing,” Haru says quickly.

“Don’t give me that.” Sousuke’s eyes flicker in annoyance. 

 

Haru considers telling him it’s none of his business, but there’s not a good reason to keep this from Sousuke. So, he explains what the doctor told him.

 

“It’s not that serious,” Haru finishes.

“Haru, you almost died, and now–now you’re stuck with this.” There’s a vindictive edge to his voice that Haru can’t comprehend. “You never told me why you were swimming that day.”

 

Haru balks at this. He’d been overwhelmed by the stress of deciding what to do with his life after graduation, and had gone without thinking. He’d gone without thinking about he would get back, and that scares him. He hadn’t been thinking about coming back, almost like he thought he would be able to rest under the ocean’s waves. He doesn’t tell Sousuke this. Not now, not yet.

 

“I wasn’t thinking,” Haru mutters.

“No shit.”

 

Sousuke leaves fifteen minutes later in the same clothes he came in. He has work to go to, but something in the air between them feels cold. He almost thinks Sousuke won’t come that evening, but he does. He comes bearing a box from a bakery he knows only because Nagisa goes there too often. Sousuke explains that it is actually from Nagisa and leaves it on the kitchen counter. Haru places stew on the table a little while later.

 

“I almost feel guilty,” Sousuke says. Haru raises his eyebrow. “I feel bad that you’re always cooking for me.”

“You’d be eating instant noodles otherwise. I can’t let you do that.”

“I am capable of cooking.”   
“Uh-huh.” Haru sounds unconvinced. “And, as I said, I don’t mind cooking for you. It’s something I like doing anyways.”

“That almost sounds like a marriage proposal,” Sousuke mutters.

 

Haru’s eyes widen, caught off guard. He’s not sure exactly what he and Sousuke are anymore, but this is something different. Haru has never thought about getting married, not really. He’s hardly paid attention to crushes or anything like that, but he has one now. Sousuke looks down, embarrassed.

 

“Sorry, that was stupid.”

 

Haru lets out a small laugh. They’re not even dating, but if he thinks about it, he doesn’t mind these days with Sousuke in his life. It’s more than that, though. Somehow, with his other friends busy in other places, Sousuke has become a fixture in his life, and Haru can’t imagine what it would be like if Sousuke were to leave.

 

Sousuke doesn’t stay the night again. He leaves with a “take care of yourself” and a glance over his shoulder. Haru rests a hand on his chest as he watches the figure retreating. He’s got it bad, and he’s not really sure what to do. It seems like Sousuke likes him, too, but Haru and his zero experience are unsure. When he asks Makoto, he’s told to talk about it with Sousuke. It seems simple, and it is, in concept, at least. But Haru has no idea how to go about talking to Sousuke about it or whether he even should. Their relationship built in sharing meals and watching movies together is enough. Haru isn’t sure if he wants to risk it.

 

He’s saved from this dilemma. Sousuke asks to meet him somewhere other than his house. That’s how he ends up sitting on a bench facing the beach next to Sousuke. Haru is apprehensive about this meeting, because Sousuke seemed anxious before. There’s silence for a couple of minutes before Sousuke takes a deep breath and takes Haru’s attention.

  
“I love you.”

  
Haru stares at him, feeling his heartbeat rush and a sense of excitement fill his body. It’s not like this was entirely unexpected, but nothing could have prepared him for how it feels. Sousuke’s eyes are bright with an earnest sort of intensity.

 

“Haru?”

 

And he realizes he hasn’t responded yet, and he really should His throat feels constricted as he returns Sousuke’s gaze.

 

“I do, too,” he mumbles.

 

The next thing he knows, is that there are two arms wrapped around him. Haru usually finds close contact uncomfortable, but this, this feels right.

 

“You are my ocean,” Sousuke confesses. “Even if you leave me gasping for air, I’ll always love you.”

**Author's Note:**

> It's 5:30am. I have no idea what I'm doing anymore, so hopefully this sort of makes sense.


End file.
